My grandson is a foolish Mormon hoarder...believing in a bunch of Proctor & Gamble sales hype. He's a coward, but otherwise bright. Six years ago, he had a dream. Then without telling the family, he just sold all he owned suddenly, and flew to the Philippines. He chose the most pro-American island there, then searched on foot through dozens of villages, looking for "the perfect woman."
As I said, he's insane.
He found her after about eight months, and instead of marrying her like a civilized human being, he said they, "knelt at the side of a hotel bed, and asked God to bless their union and to send them...a very special child,"
IT GETS BETTER
Her name is Maria. His name is Joseph. And they had a son born to them nine months and one day later. He actually believes he is the father of "...a very special child." So let's get this straight. We have a Mormon looney goon...horny as hell...who has a dream one night, (sez it was after the Patriot Act was passed), sells all he owns, and sits for 14 hours in a 747, only to land in a remote country island, hunt down a chick (on foot!), then drag this utterly poor, innocent girl to the Hilton's Presidential Suite...and ask God for a favor?
ICING ON THE CAKE
Sounds like Joseph's Myth to me.
His wife has three thumbs. She's missing a front tooth. She's barefoot 98% of the time and full-time pregnant. He's a real winner. Because he's borderline pedophile, he knew exactly what he needed for his pencil. A young one. A small one. God damn, she's tiny: 4' 6" small and weighs only 78 pounds. But boy, can she watch TV. And she's one of the Top 50 Filipina FarmVille gamers.
Yes, our clan's real proud of that turkey. Though we sacrificed our lives for his upbringing, we weren't invited to their "wedding." Not a single damn brother or sister was even told. There were no witnesses. Only singing choirs of angels, joyful and triumphant. Good Gawd. As I said, he's paranoid about Big Brother. He prefers to live off the radar. As his grandfather, I do wonder many nights...where did I go wrong?
Anyway, so he tells us about once a year that the world's coming to an end. That Jesus is coming back soon, to whisk away his believers. (Uhh...then why is he hoarding tons of rice???)
He said he shuts down the laptop whenever he hears the loud whip of the coming wings, and even has his Only Begotten Son trained...to run into the house and yell, "Hello-copter, Papa!" whenever the sound is afar off and approaching. He swears it works. Just today, he said it happened again. Two military units, back and forth, up and down. Little does he know that if his message were such a threat to the brass, they could shut down the whole damn Internet in a heartbeat.
As I said, he's crazy.
JUST THE FACTS
His message to all America is as foolish as it ever was. The economy has turned around now, and all is well.
